about being you.

I unashamedly heart Henri Nouwen. Here's what he has to say about being you.

"Speak from that place in your heart where you are most yourself. Speak directly, simply, lovingly, gently and without any apologies. Tell us what you see and what us to see; tell us what you hear and want us to hear. Trust your own heart. The words will come. There is nothing to fear. Those who need you most will help you most. You can be sure I will."

"...hear these words spoken to you with all the tenderness and force that love can hold."

Something has changed. Am I more insecure? I want to write so badly, but (obviously) it doesn't happen. No inspiration in the last year of my life. However, I think, "Shouldn't it have been more inspiring than all the rest?" It wasn't.

It was angering, hurtful, confusing and depressing.

Well, not every part, but most.

And here I am, on the brink of something large, waiting, hoping and filled with anticipation of what the Father just might have in store for me.

"I've got more than you can even imagine." Really, seriously...? What could I imagine? Traveling? Ministering (for real)? Being a presence in peoples' lives? Doing something meaningful? Being a mom? Owning a creative business on the side? Inspiring people by... speaking??

There's a lot I can imagine, God. Surprise me. I'm yours.

it's been almost a year

i almost can't believe that i've neglected my blog for almost a year. (and geez, enough has happened)

and by "neglect" i really just mean, i-haven't-had-the-motivation-or-the-need-to-blog. plus, my husband read in his high-tech-y magazine that blogging was SO 2004. how intimidating is that? but actually, i think now, who cares? i'm feeling the need and really mommyBLOGS keep the world going 'round. i love them. i can't help it. must be the little mommy me inside. ha. (no worries, no babies yet...)

but another reason is, it's okay to blog now. i don't have to worry about being honest and having *someone* run into it that shouldn't be reading it. not that i would be writing anything horrible, it's just ... well... it's been the last year of my life. stifled. discouraged. wanting to beat a wall down but knowing it wouldn't help anything. 

and now, i sit, job-hunting, avoiding huge dog slobbers, and scouting out craigslist for good deals i still can't afford. i have friends, but they all have lives now. responsibility. KIDS. for heaven's sake! :-) it's a good time of life, but also confusing and hard. 

here's how it went.

quit job, moved to Idaho

had no friends, had no job

got married in May (*highlight*!)

got discouraged in June

stayed that way

made one friend

got a job in November

he got let go in December

moved to Kansas City

no job, some friends.

 May His light be our guiding path because at least I know, I haven't a clue.

more squirrel watching

so, maybe i have a secret love.

of squirrels.

seriously, it's strange. everytime i look out the window and see my little friends scampering outside, i just could sit and stare at them for awhile.

i think i was squirrel deprived. haiti, kansas, switzerland ... none can compare to my little waterloo, iowa front yard.

just the other night i watch a squirrel diligently carrying mouthfulls of leaves up and down, up and down to his (her?) nest in one of our trees. how he got all those leaves to STAY there all bunched up, is beyond me ....

i woke up the next morning and guess who i saw working away again? Mr. Squirrel.

it almost made me feel lazy. is that supposed to happen? squirrels making me feel lazy???

wow, weird.

good things

it's been awhile. blogging makes sense when you're in the midst of so-called "adventure". but ... i've just kind of faded into the midwestern sky after my year in Switzerland. and maybe that's what i needed -- to just fade into the distance for awhile.



but definitely it doesn't mean that my life isn't an adventure. it hasn't stopped and won't, i don't think. this is good. and also scary.



today i registered my car with the state of Iowa. got a driver's license, the whole she-bang. except that it cost me a GOOD $275 to do it. cars are EXPENSIVE! but here is a sneak peak at my new little toy ... the one I've been waiting for since I sold my first car at 17. seven years is a long time to wait.



so this car has been a HUGE answer to my prayers since September. i've borrowed a car since then and 5 months is definitely enough time to wait. and to borrow.

idaho, here i come!!! (end of march, stuffed full with my things, driving 1600+ miles, 22 hours in the car... lots of CDs to play.)

.:heart-shaped sugar cookies:.

usually, it's Mom and I. i remember in elementary school ... my mom, the coolest, would make heart-shaped sugar cookies with pink frosting. and she'd "write" every single classmate's first name on them. the next day, i would proudly bring them to school. getting a yummy cookie frosted personally for you is one thing ... but giving them out is another.

we'd make the dough and chill it. roll it out and start cutting hearts. my dad always would poke his face into the kitchen and while my mom wasn't looking i'd sneak him some dough.

oooooh, the joys of baking.

roll 'em out, cool 'em and frost 'em. and, of course, in the process, eat some dough, eat the broken ones (which may or may not've been broken on purpose) and lick the frosting off your fingers.

this year, however, Valentine's day will be one I spent alone. (my parents are in Haiti). tonight i made the cookies. i ate some dough and a broken one, frosted them and licked my fingers ... but without anyone to help or sneak cookie dough to, it's just not the same. tomorrow however, i bet giving them will be fun. grated, i didn't write all of the names of the mechanics in my office on them (that'd be a little weird.) but, nonetheless, they'll love 'em. big, dirty mechanics eating pink heart cookies. yeah, it's a one-up for me. pink hearts, white with red sparkles, and one special one. :-) :-)

The AMISH are coming!

You think the Amish stay in their communities and have only limited contact with the world. It's not true.

It was 7:14a and I was jarred out of a nice morning sleep that would've lasted until at least 9 o'clock if the noises coming thru my ceiling hadn't disturbed me. "Noises" sounds mild compared to the tyrannosaurus-rex pounding and scrapings we were serenaded out of bed this morning with. It wasn't even light enough to see the roof, let alone steal my sleep!

Okay, okay. So my dad told me they were coming. But I forgot ... I called him at work and yelled, "The Amish are coming!!" He had no pity. At least tomorrow I won't have a problem being to my new job on time. Geez.

However, Amish men on top of your house is kind of interesting. Beards, suspenders and all. I'm trying to convince my mom that it would be utterly annoying to be stared at by us, but she just laughs. And my curiousity has perked up too... I've read about these so-called "simple" people and really I do just want to go out and talk to them. See their reactions to me (a worldly girl) -- see what they would tell me, how honest they would be about their lifestyle. It really is intriguing.

In two days they'll be gone. I hope they like the oatmeal-raisin cookies I'm going to bake for them. And then, we'll have slept a little less, gotten out of the house a little more (especially when the air hammer starts shooting), but have a nice roof job to boot.

:-) and, today, i'm painting a garage. i KNOW all of you envy my exciting life. haha. until then.

garage sales.

so, tuesday this week, i talked my mom into a garage sale. (after it's all said and done, I'm avoiding being ALMOST sorry for being so convincing. I'm tired!) So, every day this week we worked our tails off trying to get ready for the big day. I found out today that when you have a garage sale you come across some interesting people!

Like:
- a little boy who walks up the driveway with his mom and yells, "HEY! Do you have any cars?!" (His mom explained apologetically that he was looking for Hot Wheels. I thought it was hilarious.)

- an old lady, with one eye closed, who wanted to buy a two-person outdoor glider chair and had no way to get it to her porch and the random, big-gut old guy in suspenders (putzing around, wasting time with his buddy, probably waiting for their wives at the hairdresser) who offered to drive it to her house for her.

- another old guy who sounded like 50 cents was ridiculous to pay for an 8-piece egg poacher set. (he bought it anyway.)

- five Amish women with three children and their "chauffeur" (i suppose because they aren't allowed to drive) who were so sweet and let my mom hold one of their SWEET baby girls while they 'shopped'.

- a girl (with her boyfriend) in a oversized marijuana t-shirt that read,
"God made weed.
Man made beer.
In God we trust."
(followed by the classic weed picture.)

oh, she bought a precious moments mug. haha.

- and, finally, last but not least (literally!), the skinny hippy old guy with long wiry hair and long dangly earrings and his girl who were SO excited to buy every last one of our jars of shells. shells, you might be interested to know, that were hand picked by us from black sand beaches in Hawaii. 25 cents a jar. they were thrilled.
"Oh! i make earrings outta these!"

More good times in the life of Lisa. Tune in soon for more next time.

white spots and asphyxiation

painting, painting.

this is my life. (well, it's probably not true, but bear with me here) my parents are, sweetly, paying me to paint. today was the first day that i think i hated myself for agreeing. we got up, i ate cereal, then we sanded, vacuumed, and painted sticky white primer in our sun-room. for basically the rest of the day.



this room needed a change. it was dark and ugly and ... well, i was convinced and used my convincing powers towards change. positive change. except this change involved me. painting. a LOT. and breathing in so much nastiness that i thought i probably shouldn't take a nap because i was afraid of not waking up. well, not quite, but it was pretty bad. (even now the smells of fresh paint are wafting through from the other side of the house. ick.)

BUT!! i learned a valuable lesson that you all should know about. this ooey, gooey sticky white primer is nasty stuff. but not only that, my mom mentioned that it was hard to get off of her arms.

it didn't register. until ... i was finished with the priming job (my mom long gone at an interview), covered with tiny white spots from the paint roller and exhausted from sanding, cleaning and painting. i was "washing" out the brush and the little plastic pour spout in our stainless steel kitchen sink when i realized, "OH. it's oil-based." the paint was just swirling around in the water. and sticking to the bottom. and my fingers.

now, for all of you 1) artists, familiar with oil paints and 2) people smarter than i you probably wouldn't have don't that. but i did.

i knew this: oil paint and water don't mix. but, i didn't pay any attention. until it was too late.

so, i ended up scraping the sink out with my fingernails (which are no longer as nicely shaped as the Asian man at the mall made them). and i learned my lesson. hmm.

Wie heissen sie? and getting out.

it was sunny today and i've decided that getting outside in Buesingen when the sun is showing its face is the only right thing to do. every time. so, i put on my swimming suit and headed toward the river. swimming in the rhine was glorious and i was very satisfied with my getting out. i was walking back to my apartment before i went to visit some friends for a good-bye bbq when i had a smile experience.

going up the back road were two blond kids, obviously brother and sister, riding on an amazing plastic tractor-ish toy. Sister was pedaling like crazy and Brother was sitting backwards in an attached plastic trailer 'helping' her by pushing along with his feet.

i caught up to them and had a wonderful conversation in most of a language that i didn't understand but they kept right on talking and didn't seem to notice.

I said (in German), "Hi! You are fast!"

Sister said (contextual interpretation), "Yeah, and I can go faster!" She proceeded to pedal even faster -- which was pretty good.

Then she slowed back down and said, "What's your name?"

"Lisa. And you?"

"Fabiana." And Brother turned around in his plastic trailer and said, "Timon".

Fabiana and Timon just kept talking and talking telling me about their friends or toys or games or something and i just kept nodding and smiling and waiting for a voice intonation and a pause telling me that i just missed a very important question.

It never came.

A few yards later they said, "We're going here," and turned off.

I smiled, said "Bye!" and went on my way.

************

I loved it. A whole German conversation with two little people who had NO clue that I wasn't a native Buesingen resident and we were all quite happy about that. And did I really need to know exactly about what they were babbling about in their friendly tone? No, not really. I just smiled and listened and i think that was what mattered. getting out and making meaningful contact with people is good for the soul. especially one in transition.

sad and getting sadder.

my blogger browser automatically comes up in German because we're connected to Swiss net. in 9 days it won't be that way at all. the countdown is well underway; my last day of work was yesterday. i'm going to Austria today, having a special thank-you lunch with Jill and seeing my favorite family tonight. i have exactly 9 days to do everything i want and see everyone i want to and say good-bye before i go. and my heart is nearly in pieces.

here's a random message quote i found on facebook from one mk to another (i hope these aren't copy-righted because at the moment i can sympathize.)

"It feels likes somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket
of boiling tears. And at the same time, somebody else is hitting my
soul in the crotch with a frozen sledge hammer. And then a third
guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone . . ."

Lord, have mercy.

schwimmin'

only 13 more days of possible swimming for me. and tonite the ugly rumor was circulating that it was going to get cooler and rainy -- so i had promised myself i would take advantage of the warm day turned night and go for it.

except, i didn't have anyone to swim with.

usually, this wouldn't be a problem. i know how to swim. but, swimming in the rhein river with its current -- you just have to be careful. but, no one was around to go with me so i forged ahead and went by myself.

now, you have to understand. the water is still about 20 degrees celsius. in american terms: pretty darn chilly. the weather hasn't been hot enough for the water to get too warm. but, nikolaj claimed it was "fresh" and would get rid of my tiredness (i'm not sure it did, but i went anyway). a chilly, 7:30pm swim, especially one alone, has to be geared up for. so i geared up.

and really, nothing compares to swimming in the river!! the current is amazing. and there were plenty of smart Swiss people taking in the last bit of the nice weather and river too before the rain comes. so i was safe. :-) and, it was lovely as usual.

sweety and beauty

i ran into two really funny Indian girls' names yesterday during filing time: Sweety and Beauty. hahaha. made me laugh. totally normal last names but, oh the things people name their children...

filing.

sometimes i think that i will go to my grave filing or doing some kind of admin. work. okay, not to be morbid, but paper and organization is my specialty after 4 years of college working for the religion department. and, it seems, without any other 'specialty' i find myself stuck with it again and again.

okay, this week i brought it on myself. and actually, the mindless work that i'm doing and passing the afternoons in Sib's office is enjoyable. well, not the dry and dirty fingers that i get after thumbing through a million sheets of paper or the indent in my middle finger i get from labeling files for hours on end, but i love it that it's mindless (so i can let my mind wander) and that i actually feel like i'm doing something.

it's really hard for me to not really have anything to do. it's been hard to allow myself to (how did Anne Lamott say it?) "practice radical inefficiency" this year. in other words: rest.

but, we were created to do things, to work, so part of this is finding a balance between rest and doing. so this week i got sick, sick, sick of not having anything to do. Sib has been drowning in child sponsorship stuff -- kids' profiles needing checked and finding their homes in the file cabinets and their letters getting off to their sponsors. so, you see someone drowning, several people have helped and she's still up to her chin in CS files ... and you really don't have anything to do (and with only 8 people on campus, you're getting supremely and easily bored) except wait for emails, you offer a hand and the water level falls a bit.

my ambitious goal is to be finished labeling and filing the Indian and Bangladeshi kids by tomorrow. the stack's pretty high and i have a meeting at 3. we'll see. :-)

but, i'm learning as i go. i love it. some of the Nepalese kids' families make the equivalent of 75-100 USD. per year. i'm gaining a bigger awareness of the sheer need of the world. just as i sit and file. Sib puts up with my random questions (like, 'how much is a Nepalise rupee worth?'), we sing along to the old school songs on the radio and talk about how worth it it is -- to do the admin and dirty (and b-o-r-i-n-g) work -- for the faces we see. so, if that means looking at adorable pictures of teeny Indian boys and Arabic girls and cracking up at the all of the "Shenkos" and "Al Hammans" and "Dhases" (you can totally tell from what area they're from by their names ... Russian, Arabic and Indian respectively), well, i'm okay with it. plus, i've actually made it until 5pm without wanting to fall asleep or go out of my mind with boredom.

filing. i really pray that it's not my fate. but, that's not really in my hands.

a quote from Amber Drake

Amber, an exchange student who just left posted this note and i was writing today about this exact thing. i needed to plagiarize for spiritual purposes. :-) [amber, ha, if you ever read this, know that i'm quoting you.]

"In this, Henri Nouwen say, 'we learn to look fully into our losses, not evade them. By greeting life's pains with something other than denial we may find something unexpected. By inviting God into our difficulties we ground life-- even its sad moments-- in joy and hope.' This is entire sanctification. Not that we are whole or even that we understand wholeness, but that we move into relationship with God with our whole selves, everything that we are, and ground our life in Him."

squirrel-watching and other life things

i saw a squirrel this morning.

you wouldn't think it was so significant, unless i told you why. i think squirrel watching/chasing is one of my favorite pastimes. i remember staring out my bedroom window from the house on alpine drive watching them fly up the trees. they're great! even the stubby tail one -- he was around the neighborhood for a few years.

i've never seen one here in buesingen, or in europe, which was surprising to me. taking note of this last fall, i remember mentioning their seeming lack of existence here and missed them. weird, i know, but true. this morning, i have to say, everything in the world seemed okay when i was absorbed in squirrel-watching. i forgot that it was 7am, that i was tired, alone and that the EuNC clan is ever dwindling. (i can, no kidding, count the campus dwellers on 10 fingers. that's it ... soon to be 8.) i'm used to at least 40.

it's kinda been lonely. kinda makes me want to just pack up and go.

and then in church yesterday, i was thinking about this place, how it's the norm to me now and how i'll miss it and i shouldn't be so quick to wish it away. i don't really even know where i'm going in the next months, but i think this waiting time is kind of a blessing instead. it's hard to leave and waiting to leave is even harder, but slowly i'm getting more and more ready. this is good.

so, my life-in-transition looks like the following: lots of reading, writing letters and emails, waiting for the phone to ring or an addition to my inbox, talking to God about others and trusting Him with whatever will happen in my life, wishing the rain would go away, dreaming about suntans and swims in the Rhine, and fellowshipping with the very few people that are left.

like, tonight, it's 4 of us. dinner, simply for the joy of cooking and then enjoying food and each other. this is my prayer and goal: to spend each day to its fullest. not always accomplish-able, but well worth the effort.

especially when August 20th comes around.

musings

i'm updating my blog. really, i should update more often. :-) but... then i realize how little clarity i actually have these days in matters of life and health and understanding God and His church and love and life and friends and change. but, despite it all i feel almost compelled to write even though i don't really have much to say. always a whole bunch of thoughts, but not always a whole lot i can clearly articulate.

i've been thinking that i should be an expert on some things by now. like making friends and then saying good-bye. i keep thinking that moving on and embracing life changes should come more easily the more i do it. but, i still cry. i still want to kick and scream. "NO! i don't want to leave! i don't want to change! i don't want to go through anothing stinking transition!" the only progress i've made is to recognize that i know to expect the tears. to expect the gut-wrenching good-byes. i expect the weird transitory feelings that i just can't place. i expect wanting to take in everything i can experience about the last days, but it never being enough.

why? because the people don't come with me. sure, they come in my heart and i can email them or talk on the phone, but it's not the same community. and it won't ever be. for me, when i've enjoyed a time in my life, a part of me wants to hold onto it forever -- the smells, the trees, (the chocolate), the style, the colors, the sounds or the special spots along the river or in town. and part of me knows that i really don't want to hold on, that there are even better things to come.

Still, each change is hard to get used to. God knows I'm slow. But what happens when i think about the new people i have yet to meet? the next step He has for me? the promises of "infinitely more than you can ask or even imagine"? i have found too much value in the past with how life-change has and can absolutely transform my life. and not even the gut-wrenching moments can keep me from moving forward. and from that vantage point, i have hope.

what will this be? this change? "it's inevitable, you know," i tell myself. "you can't be a volunteer forever." and it's time, i know it is.

but europe is a part of me now. the people here are dear to me. the face of God, although He often seemed hidden, has been here in front of me. He has walked beside me. and now i add these friends to my corresponding-long-distance-with list: these friends who will slowly slip out of my everyday life. i will miss my German family, Jillian in the office next to mine, tasting dark-chocolate-with-chili flavored ice cream, combating British spelling, singing my heart out to Chris Tomlin on the RCC second floor and listening to Nikolaj speak Russian on the phone and throwing in random English words with no translation. i'll miss driving over the rise of the highway and neuhausen/schaffhausen spread out with beautiful swiss-architecture along the rhine valley and cafe vordegasse. i'll miss spending 2 hours in fellowship over a coffee or tea and no one even blinking an eye at it.

i'll miss it. good. but, i won't miss not understanding the language. i won't miss my boyfriend or my family. i won't miss not making money. there are good things coming. better than i can imagine. God is good. this i believe and this i trust.i

plant update: day 40+

update on Parsley and Basil. they're getting bigger and i'm waiting to start cooking! but i also found out that Jill, my neighbor two apts down, has offered her rosemary, chives, oregano (and something else I've never heard of) for fresh herbs to cook with whenever i need! so, i'm set.

sleep

i love to sleep. especially lately. especially after india. for some reason, sleep has been my goal after the red-eye flight from mumbai. so my bed is my place to be.



the night we got into Mumbai and stepped off the bus for a roadside stop at the district office (for a tiny bit of food, a liter of water and a poddy break before we rode for 4 more hours), i went inside the house. the bus stopped outside of the house in the street about 3 or 4 yards behind another vehicle. the yellow street light buzzed and endless indian street chatter hummed. several busloads of people passed us at 1 in the morning, and i know that a busload of sweaty white girls wasn't unnoticed.

i walked back several times between the bus and the yellow gate to the house, but once, while i was stopping to wait for Simone, i stumbled upon something. i didn't disturb him, but realized when my eyes adjusted to the light (or lack of) i realized there was a man curled up on his side, fast asleep on his cot. in the middle of the street.

um, whoa. we were trodding in his bedroom.

this was probably one of the most surprising things to me -- something third-world that i hadn't seen before. and this man was not alone. as we drove through the rest of mumbai i realized that we were passing probably hundreds of people sleeping on the streets. a thin sheet separated some from the dirty ground and even without, groups of people slept side-by-side. this was their resting place.

i wondered outloud this morning how people could sleep with all of the noise. sib replied that they get used to it. tune it out. i don't know how they do it, but need rules out a lot of logistics.

and i slept in a bed all week. with clean sheets and a pillow. in a room with screens and an amazing ceiling fan. it's humbling, yet, i can't be who i am not. i can only look upon the world with openness, awareness and an ever-widening view of humanity, need, who i am, what i have and how i have what i have. i hardly know how -- but these moments are where i express my need to act and my inability without community and the inspiration of God.

- sarees -

the door buzzer rudely interrupted our peaceful sleep. it was monday morning in India. our last day; it started early and ended late.

a quarter to seven in the morning, sib is ringing our doorbell, handing us our sarees (custom fitted) and letting us know that sarah will be over to help us with our sarees. one long piece of cloth takes a truly experienced woman to make it look beautiful and sarah was our helper!

we scrambled out of our beds and got ready. when sarah arrived, her long indian hair coiffed into a bun with a do-rag, she wrapped me up first. simone and i had our tops on backwards (big surprise ... aren't the clasps supposed to go in the back? at least that's what i've known since i was able to dress myself. i had to re-learn a very basic indian thing! haha!) so we switched those, tighted our petticoats to hold up the folds of fabric, and sarah started expertly wrapping and folding.

for the first time, getting dressed was actually a community experience. there was no way you could get into a saree alone and still be sane. simone commented that it was like getting dressed in the old days -- when dressing took lacing up and layering and more people that one.

but sarah was satisfied with her work when we fninshed, we felt beautiful and it was truly a unique South Asian experience. (not to mention the stares we got walking in...)

growth.

a little update on my little plants thanks to Elizabeth who watered them while I was gone in India.

Basilikum on the left, Petersilie on the right.

.green.

yes, okay, fine. I am a bit green. actually, if that tone sounds like i'm ashamed, it's not true. i am a bit of a tree-hugger (no, not to the hippie-extent) and for several reasons that i will fail to list because it's not a part of my point.

needless to say, i've a picture here of my newest endeavor: having a green thumb. and, not to mention, growing fresh herbs to cook scrumptiously with. i was telling my boyfriend last night that i miss my mom's garden in Iowa! i never thought, as a little girl pulling weeds and scratching fresh mosquito bites, that i would miss it, but that is probably something i pine after the most. green beans, rhubarb, squash and all the fresh raspberries i could want!

thus, i'm reviving a little bit of my past, i planted some parsley and basil, and now i'm waiting for them to grow (and to see if my thumb is as green as my mom's.) as you can see by the pic, my parsley just sprouted past the surface!! i'm way too excited about it and will probably post it's progress, just because i can. if you could care less about my parsley plant, well, i'm sorry for you. :-) i'll still be your friend.

another reminder that I am, indeed, in a world of "WC"s and teeny, tiny cars and recycle-age and pretty, old houses.

yes, Europe is.... well, it is. i love it here.

india already

last week, we had a scare.

Frankfurt, Germany was the destination and getting our Indian visas (needed in three weeks and our purchased plane tickets depending on it) was the goal. Sabine, our faithful, recently-moved-to-Buesingen, German friend knows Frankfurt like the back of her hand, so we begun our trek in her car at six in the morning needing to land at the consulate before they closed for the day at 11:30a.m.

The sunrise was pink and purple and spectacular. I realized that I miss out on beauty because I sleep, but usually the sleep is worth it. (besides, i figure that if i saw the sunrise every day, i don't think i would be able to appreciate it as much. so i'll save it for special occasions and sleep more.) We stopped at McDonalds for breakfast -- it would be a two-in-one-day-McDonalds-run and this I am not used to. It was the first time I've stepped into McDonalds in probably 3 months (and then that was only for WC needs).

Unfortunately, due to several accidents, morning traffic through Stuttgart and then another , for another 45 minutes to Frankfurt, we pulled (with Sib's crazy driving -- at one point going over 100 mph. yeah, don't tell my mom) up to our parking space at 11:10.
We had twenty minutes to get in and through the line.

We'd been smart and gathered up all of our pocket change to make 50 Euro -- i lent 50 to simone -- each to pay for our tourist visas, filled out our forms and headed in. Sib got through the line first, paid her 50 Euro and then it was my turn.

"Sefent-y fife e-uros pleese," I heard the man at the window through the eye-level hole in the glass.

"Crap," my heart started beating and I told Sib that Simone would need more money and she literally ran out the door. I quickly took 25 more Euro from Simone's hand and paid for my visa. Simone and I hung back in line, sighing, raising our eyebrows, hating the fact that "American" must mean "rich tourists" and hoping and praying that Sib would somehow fly to the cash machine and back in 5 minutes. She didn't, but one by one, people kept trailing in. And we kept letting them go ahead of us to the window.

The last guy left his fate in the hands of the Indian consulate just as I spotted Sib running back along the street. I shoo-ed Simone up to the window and the guy seriously considered waving her away! But he relented (he must have anticipated American girl wrath) and she deliberately and slowly pushed her passport and papers under the window.

I ran to get the door and tell her that there was still time (unbeknownst to me, it was already almost 11:40) and a red-faced and barefoot Sib got the cash to Simone just as she needed it. (Mind you, if she hadn't it would've been another 8 hours in the car or train and another whole day to spend in Frankfurt. no thanks.)

We walked back to the car, a little giddy and a lot lighter. We were all a little adrenaline rushed, all a little thirsty, so we laughed and broke out the Flouder and appleshoeler drinks.

Sabine returned at 4:30 to collect our visas and they were granted, no problems. In two weeks we'll be on our way to India. But I have this strange and certain feeling that this will only be the beginning of our close calls and Indian adventures. We leave 16 may and more stories will be posted following our return...

prayer

I wrote this earlier today:

"In prayer, God not only fully understands every word in every language, but also the details behind each word, even if we don't feel it is sufficient. He even takes into accound the hearts' cries behind the words and hears what we are not even able to express -- and when we intercede for another our inadequate prayers are heard and understood and adequate answers are given...

"What I'm really trying to say is that Rahel's prayer for me, in Swiss-German, was fully understood by God even though I didn't get a thing, save a few words here and there -- and although she doesn't know the details or even the magnitude of what she was asking for me, God heard what she said, understood, sees the situations for what they are and knows her heart in desiring to intercede. We don't have to 'get' it all -- giving all is all we need."

Prayer is a demonstration of hope. Hope is usually a good thing. Except sometimes when I have a crazy desire to pray and keep praying, and then it feels like a weight on my soul and my shoulders (and, believe me, I already have enough knots as it is!) -- especially when I find myself unable to pray as I feel He deserves or desires. But I keep going, attempting to remain aware, and letting God find me, grab my attention and sit me down for a chat if that's what He wants. I can't describe in words my need to pray, but I know it's there. I don't really have a clue what prayer is or what it does, but I'm driven toward it. I haven't really seen miracles in prayer, but I naively believe in its power anyway. (*shrugs*)

truth.

You alone, Lord God.

You are charity and love.

You are wisdom.

You are humility.

You are patience.

You are security.

You are peace.

You are beauty.

You are meekness.

You are our protector.

You are our strength.

You are our refreshment.

You are our hope.

You are our faith.

You are our most profound sweetness.

You are our eternal life,

omnipotent God, merciful Savior.

family fun.

Yesterday I dropped my parents off at the Zurich airport after 10 days of the sites, sounds and enjoyment of Europe and time together.

Their first jet-lagged day, I dragged them around (in order to keep them awake) campus and town, showing them everything I could think of. One of these spots was the Rhinefall, our natural claim to fame in this part of Switzerland. It's Europe's most powerful waterfall and the rush is amazing!

Mom and Dad slept well the first night and then we enjoyed a traditional Swiss breakfast of muesli (like dry oatmeal with dried fruits), bananas and yogurt. Not to mention coffee, tea, toast and jam. We feasted on amazing German bread, kebap (a very popular Turkish fast food in Germany) and an Easter ham brought 6,000 miles.

I was the Paris tour guide and they were the French speakers. (Well, as much French as Haitian Kreyol has...) I got to speak my Kreyol with people who understood, got at least 4 hugs a day (they are a rarity some days in Buesingen) and capitalized on some American essentials like JIF peanut butter and Advil Liquigels. I was the benefactee of a vacation to France, Switzerland, Austria and Germany... they almost doubled their country count and I was along for the ride.

We talked, we laughed, we took pictures and even got a little impatient, but overall, it was really, really wonderful to introduce two important members of my family to the community that has blessed my life for over a year (both times together). And I got to show them Europe. Comments of returning were floating around towards the end of the trip... I wouldn't mind. This place is in my heart.

Unfortunately, vacation came to an end today and, much to my dismay, I find myself back at work. Vacation is great but isn't reality and wouldn't be appreciated if there were no end to it. Thanks M&D for taking the time, effort, money and energy to come and love on me. Love ya.

(Here is my link to Facebook photos... a little bit of what we saw and did! Just click here. http://mnu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2006980&l=a2ea6&id=162800677 )

epic published

hey all! my final Slovenia piece was published in the Southeastern Europe newsletter (the one I put together for that field).

here is the link if you are interested. (it's a PDF, story on page 4)

http://homepage.mac.com/seenaz/.Public/SEE%20Sketches/Sketches%20April%2007-H.pdf

Slovenia story links -- please read!

Here are two links to the stories/profiles from Slovenia I wrote up. This is just a taste of the people who are in Ljubljana and involved in the church. My other story has yet to be finished and published, but as soon as it is, I will link it!

Thank you for caring and reading. :-)

Darja's story: "On Fear" http://www.eurasianazarene.org/wmeurasia/Default.aspx?tabid=288

Aleks' story: Snapshots http://www.eurasianazarene.org/wmeurasia/Default.aspx?tabid=283

es schneiet. (or something like that)

I had my first German lesson last Tuesday and it was a blast. A German family, the Langes, in Buesingen is helping me, and in exchange I am speaking English with them. This is a huge answer to prayer (yeah God!) and learning German from their old children's picture books is way more fun than the boring adult language ones. I'll keep you updated on my progress.

I learned some weather phrases and I've been able to use "it's snowing" WAY too many times this week.

It's day number 4 that it's snowed and the 3rd day of spring. Sunshine ... come back!

a tribute

thoughts of spring have now vanished with last night's snow, and today's freezing cold wind. brrr. hopefully the tree outside my window will make it through this horrible disappointment.

not to mention... both my blueberry AND my strawberry juices from Slovenia are officially gone. bummer.

starbucks

sometimes you just feel like Starbucks and when the closest one is 45 minutes away, it's an event. especially for volunteers who don't always have access to a car OR tons of extra money to pay $5/gal for gas. so, last Saturday, Elizabeth and I struck out for the mall (which we never found) and Starbucks. thankfully, we found Starbucks. vanilla lattes and caramel macchiato frappechinos make life fun. here are a few snapshots:

i love this song.

Alex... a high school MK here at EuNC sings this song by Philips, Craig and Dean. I love it.

My faithful Father, enduring Friend

Your tender mercy’s like a river with no end

It overwhelms me, covers my sin

Each time I come into Your presence

I stand in wonder once again

Your grace still amazes me

Your love is still a mystery

Each day I fall on my knees

Your grace still amazes me

‘Cause Your grace still amazes me

Oh, patient Saviour,

You make me whole

You are the Author and the Healer of my soul

What can I give You, Lord, what can I say

I know there’s no way to repay You

Only to offer You my praise

It’s deeper, it’s wider

It’s stronger, it’s higher

It’s deeper it’s wider

It’s stronger, it’s higher

than anything my eyes can see

our birthday-friday bike ride

last friday was our spring big-trash day. walking to working, i spotted a perfect engagement present for our newly engaged Verne and his fiancee Rachel: bike helmets. he was much obliged, we laughed, took pictures, and then he threw them out the window.

1.) Simone modeling Rachel's bike helmet for picture purposes.

2.) this is as far as the manly helmet went. it was too gross to go any further. they were throwing it out for a reason.

3.) Ali, newly girlfriended, can't make up his mind. Just order a cappuccino already!

4.) Jenn! (and our random Swiss passer-bys)

5.) Simone and Verne: the model look.
(Simone's: compliments of the EuNC volunteer car
Verne's: compliments of Simone)

we had fun.

Lord of the Rings

"You'd never seen it before?"

Yeah. And this weekend I did. We had an EuNC "Lord of the Rings" weekend marathon. I'm never a sit-in-front-of-the-tv-for-hours kinda girl. But I watched all 10+ hours of it. Sam was my favorite.

I liked it. Hehe, but even though it's fiction, some of it was pretty intense. By the end I was curious to go back through and count how many characters I actually saw die or be killed -- my television murder witnessing number shot up the roof.

But besides my millions of questions (which my fellow LOR viewers kindly answered) to clear up the story line, I took away hope. There was SO MUCH hope in that movie. Hope gained from others. Strength in community. The value of honesty and courage. Fighting for good.

But what stuck out to me was the hope. Maybe it's because I pay attention to everything regarding hope. Maybe it's because I need more of it myself -- and I'm mustering up all I can sincerely claim. But hope is a gift. Passed through by the Creator of all good things and Giver of good gifts. Passed around through community. Hope, even when a "sensible" look at life only conjures up despair. My hope wanes, your hope re-inspires.

Thus, what I am continuing to hope for most is restoration. And I believe that it will come.

"...there is always hope." ~Aragorn, King of Gondor

Ensemble

This year I knew needed to be a year of rest. The first year out of school it's challenging not to attempt to find your worth in what you do. Instead, better understanding value in who I am as loved by God. In Buesingen, it's also included resting from busying myself with "good" activities. Good activities like playing the piano for too many events. Doing that stresses me out. I want to play for enjoyment and praise, not just to please people and make myself feel important and needed.

Last Sunday, I played out of enjoyment. Every Saturday morning, seven of us (Swiss, Dutch and American) get up at 10 am and practice singing ensemble pieces for the Buesingen Int'l Church. I get to play. Sunday was our first song of the to sing together and not only was it fun, we worshiped.

(pictured from l-r: me, Petra, Iris, Sharla, Rachel, Simone, Alex)

"We Speak to Nations"

Hear the sound

The sound of the nations calling

Hear the sound

The sound of the fatherless crying.

Who will go for us?

Who will shout to the corners of the earth

That Christ is King?

We speak to nations, be open.

We speak to nations, fall on your knees.

We speak to nations

The kingdom is coming near to you.

We speak to strongholds, be broken.

Powers of darkness, you have to flee

We speak to nations

The kingdom is coming near to you.

We speak to you

Be free, be free.

Hear the sound

The sound of the nations worshipping.

Hear the sound

Of sons and daughters singing

We will go for you

We will shout to the corners of the earth

That Christ is King.

Ljubljana city center

Ljubliana is a city even I enjoy! (as a not-really-big-city-girl) The public transportation is easy to navigate, the city center is beautiful and there are coffeehouses and small cafes on every corner. I spent a week there and the 24 hour round-trip train ride was well worth it. Even if I did lose a little sleep...

quote-able

henri nouwen is pretty much my favorite.

"As you see more clearly that your vocation is to be a witness to God's love in this world, as you become more determined to live out that vocation, the attacks of the enemy will increase. You will hear voices saying, 'You are worthless, you have nothing to offer, you are unattractive, undesireable, unloveable.' The more you are called to speak for God's love, the more you will need to deepen the knowledge of that love in your own heart. The farther the outward journey takes you, the deeper the inward journey must be."
~Jesus: A Gospel

the prayer card that never made it.

(photoshop fun.) what do you think???

die mountains

whenever there is a chance to go the mountains, I take it. a no-brainer, right? especially when it's for free.

 

last week it was Engelberg, CH for sledding in the Alps. EuNC took their spring retreat (mostly to help the new exchange students settle in) and the volunteers were invited to join. so, last Tuesday, we all bundled up in our ski/snow gear and long underwear and went up to the Alps.

a cable car ride was provided by the school (for paying the student activity fee) and most of the afternoon I sat in a cafe, enjoying the sun, hot chocolate, Henri Nouwen and the fact that I was beginning to feel my toes again. (as soon as i had stepped out of the car, my toes were frozen. i decided that the "boots" i had brought were definitely water-proof, but as rainboots NOT snow boots. BR!)

right at the end we made an executive decision to visit an igloo hotel/bar. the furs covering the seats did not make things even a bit warmer and even the bathrooms were icy! ooooooh, not sure i'd want to indulge myself there. yikes.


mountains, always beautiful, add some snow, even more beautiful. add the skiers and you've got your typical picture of the Alps.

i really live in Switzerland. COOL. :-)

leadership conference 2007

last week it was Leadership Conference. a time when lots of people from around Europe come together for fellowship and learning -- 4 days straight.

i wasn't feeling well most of the time, but here are some pictures, anyway. :-)

theme: "Holy Churches Becoming Whole"
speaker: Dan Boone from Trevecca Nazarene
people: almost 140 from Azores, France, Spain, Holland, Denmark, UK, Germany, and more.

lots of cookies, coffee breaks, fellowship and reflecting on the story of Noah. it was really cool to come to LC as a part of the communications team -- we thrive on story and much of what i'm learning is through it -- and then to hear an old story be opened up to themes of redemption, waiting, trusting and being the loving people of God.

(oh, it was this week it snowed! thus, the snow picture.)

snow pictures

the view out the side window. welcome snow!!
the kindergarten behind our apartment ...

.rumor had it.

i think it was november 3rd. tiny, almost invisible snowflakes dropped from the clouds amounting to traces of white on the ground.

then nothing except spring temperatures mixed with a few cold days has graced our village. seriously, where did winter go?

last week, 100 kmph cyclone winds were predicted and my friend Sharla's Swiss husband, David, told us that winter can't come until the winds come.

they came and yesterday ... it snowed! and snowed.

"13 centimeters," Joe said.

"however much that is," i replied. he showed me with his hands and i translated it into 3-4 inches.

today, traces are coming down from the white sky again. winter has come. (finally!)

ou pale?

A French-speaking couple gave their testimonies in church yesterday ... the telling of the story of God in a real way, a real experience was incredible. He was from an atheist, very intelligent background and God revealed Himself as the Truth to him. They are on their way to Uganda as missionaries. Missionaries to the very unknown.

I remember, especially as she was talking, wondering if I would get a chance to talk with them. A French part of my heart felt connected, I think! Haha. But my self-esteem has been beat-up lately and all I knew was that they probably had too many conversations to have and what would they want to talk to me about anyway?

Fastforward to Monday night: I came out of my apartment to find my ride to Bible study and there they were again, except as soon as she heard my name she said, "Lisa? You are Lisa?"

"Yes."

"Oh, we wanted to meet you! We have been using your van in Kansas City... Thank you."

Right then, if it hadn't been dark, I'm pretty sure they would have seen my mouth hanging open. For one, I never expected to meet the missionary couple who had been in a bad accident and were able to take Vanna White (the van's name) for free. Second, I never expected that the ones I wanted to meet and talk with were one and the same!

God is surprising. He knows how to humble us in really unexpected ways. I was kind of in giddy shock ... I had dreamed (yeah, once a vehicle is part of your family for 16 years, you have dreams for it) that the car could possibly be a blessing to someone. It has, just in cooler ways than I expected. What next?

Pam said it's like the movie "Pay it Forward". I watched that for the first time a few nights ago. I agree.

waking up

Need a tip for waking up faster?

The night before, set an almost full glass of water on your nightstand (right above your head). Then when your alarm goes off in the morning, in your sleepy state reach to snooze and knock the water glass all over your pillow, books, and head.

Believe me, I had NO troubles getting out of bed today. Good morning sunshine! :-)

The love of God is greater far and than tongue or pen can ever tell.

Could we with ink the ocean fill and were the sky of parchement made.
Were every stone on earth a quill and every man a scribe by trade.
To write the love of God above would drain the ocean dry.
Nor could the scroll contain the whole though stretched from sky to sky.

Oh, love of God, how rich and pure, how measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure the saints' and angels' song.

Advent Banquet 2006

one pic from the Christmas-y night of fun.

1 December 2006

birthday pics

the girls preparing my beautiful birthday dinner!










from left to right:
Emma
Jenn
(me)
Elizabeth
Petra
Simone








Simone, me, and Petra in Schaffhausen with the backdrop of the Rhine at night

~birthdays~

I'm 23. My friends reminded me several times of this.

Tuesday was a good birthday. (You only turn each age once!)

Some 23rd birthday highlights:

• prayers
  
• cranberry-almond muffins (I LOVE MUFFINS!)
• the last 4 of 23 beautiful roses
• 17 birthday hugs
  
• tea with friends
• tea with myself and 2 amazing chocolates
• CANDLES galore!
• girlie food and stories
• an "almost" movie. maybe next week the devil will wear prada.
• an amazing phone conversation with my sister
• sleep

Thank you Jesus for love and life! And 363 days until the next 28 November...

***pictures soon to come***

Teams... gotta love 'em.

This week, a Work and Witness team showed up. (For those of you not schooled in Nazarene-dom, W&W is a team that comes to do work and pays for it! It's really an amazing concept.)

Providentially, at least for my kitchen, my dad met the leaders of the team at a meeting earlier in the fall and asked if they would bring anything in for me. Thus, the list began and two nights ago I got a GREAT fall gift.

• Brown sugar -- 10 lbs of it!! My baking adventures have only just begun. (Real brown sugar, contrary to what Europeans seem to think, is NOT colored white sugar!)
• Enough dryer sheets to make my tiny room (2 m. by 3 m.) smell fresh -- almost too fresh -- almost my own laundry room. :-)
• Over-the-counter Tylenol. Germans can't get it at Wal-mart, only at the pharmacy. That's annoying.
• Pecans and corn syrup for a pecan pie and pumpkin for all of my pumpkin cravings!!

Happy fall. Thanks to the team, it has arrived. As has TONS of noise above our heads in the communications centre, but for 2 weeks, we can handle it. I hope. :-)

Jenn

My sister is 18!!!

I miss you Jenn!

bored in Buesingen

it was one of those days.

i sat in the office all day, trying hard not to fall asleep as i watched the gigantic clock tick away at the kirche (church) across the street from the centre. the afternoon was better -- i made my first page design. it wasn't exactly what i wanted, but it was a good start.

but the day's activities just didn't kick it.

21:00 comes around and i'm in my apartment, full of energy, needing to get out, and sitting with that feeling. when this happens in Buesingen, sometimes it's helpful to be a kid and be crazy.

so we did. celebrating the first day of short term, we welcomed everyone on-campus who was willing to listen to our short-term ditty and our crazy antics. yes, this is what we do when we get bored in Buesingen.

needless to say, we kicked the boredom AND the need for getting out. plus, we made a few people happy.


(in the pic: me, Luci from Romania, Elizabeth (roommate and volunteer), Victor from Brasil, and Gemmeke from the Netherlands.)

P.S. there is an increasing lack of bugs in my life. woo hoo!