31 weeks and 35 days to go!

it's official...

...i can no longer see my toes.

:-)

Haiti Thoughts - Part III

this post probably won't come out like i want it to - typical me. but i've been waiting for what seems like too long to conclude my Haiti series (at least for now) - this one subtitled "the Struggle." 

click here for Part I and Part II. 

there is a part of me that will forever be altered by living in a third world country. and i'm pretty positive that unless a person is completely resistant to heart change, there is not much else to do but BE changed simply by showing up and drinking in the truth. 

this part of me that has changed I saw reflected in my colleague (see Parts I & II) as struggle. And "struggle" is the only way that I can describe it. today I was emailing my best friend and the struggle popped up again. earlier this week i got mad at my husband, when really i was mad at the unfairness of this heart struggle. 

let me explain. 

as we were discussing her recent trip to Haiti, my colleague was wrestling with how to reconcile her comfortable life here with what she saw there. and really, there is no escape to the struggle except through it. the hard way to go. to let yourself feel what you feel - even if it makes you feel guilty. or insecure. or like your world just may not be right again. 

i spent my whole freshman year of college (after Haiti) hating life - hating people who were so ignorantly uncaring and unwilling to look at the real issues in life, instead dwelling in American shallowness. my biggest reverse culture shock was coming back to a place that i knew but being so different inside - how did i reconcile who i was, what was going on in my heart presently, and who i was to become? (TCK anyone??)

finally, i came to the realization (and trust me, it took a long time) that real life issues and real pain was relative. first world pain is just as difficult as third world pain, albeit different and often less visible. and i couldn't blame people for their "ignorance" when they hadn't experienced what I had. that just wasn't right. it wasn't fair. 

but what lingers from that much larger scale struggle early on crops up again and again, especially when i have lots of thinking time. and i'm sure what goes on in my head, what bothers me the most, is different from others who have experienced similar perspective-changers. however, i doubt it really "goes away" for anyone, no matter how much they work through it. it's like living in the tension between two different worlds, forever. 

for example, the email i was writing to my friend today: what in the world do i do with my life? part of me wants to purse some kind of creative venture. i absolutely adore creative beauty. and it inspires creating on my part - just like my Creator intended it, I think. and as soon as i really contemplate a commitment to something like that, i think, "but really, the passion to create poverty awareness and eradication is so much stronger." 

but what do i do about that? am i meant to do anything (career wise) with that? or just share my experiences as i go? i'm sure i am not to just ignore it - living in a place that truly isn't me - trying to forget the struggle. i want to live simply (but dear me, these ponderings are as far from simple as i get!) and i have other ambitions like masters' degrees and language learning and spiritual direction and... motherhood. 

it's especially hard to dream about what to do when i'm stuck in bed for 3 months, almost 32 weeks pregnant, living on a tighter budget than we'd like and wondering if i'll ever do anything meaningful and fulfilling in my years on earth. (sounds dramatic, but it's true.) 

i flip flop back and forth between being okay with living here, being here and enjoying life as i know it and knowing the every. day. struggle. some go through just to get by. i know their names - and they know mine. i admit that i've chosen where i am and what i am doing - and i don't believe that i've chosen poorly, against "God's will" or against the innate desires of my heart. 

but this struggle remains. while it manifests itself in guilt somedays and anger other days - ultimately i want to channel those emotions and my perspective into something positive. meaningful. maybe even life-changing.

but what? 

30 - yeah yeah yeah!

here we are! in matters of weeks, we're 3/4 of the way! 30 week little girl in my belly. :-) she makes us smile.



















we're doing fairly well... although this week has been up and down with running out of both nausea and heartburn medicine. it's amazing how yucky i still feel without it. early next week i'll find out the results of the 3rd glucose test and the 2-week labor test.

i've also deemed it the "bedrest week 5 slump". i'm not as motivated as i want to be - even with little things! - and the things that were entertaining me for the last 4 weeks aren't doing the trick as much. jeremy starts his two-week module (intensive) at seminary, so there are some long days ahead for me. but, i'm happy that he is still able to attend class and study despite our lack of income. that's a bright spot in our lives.

mid-slump i was blessed and super excited and happy to have my friend Alison visit me from China! well, actually she came from Iowa on her summer break. she is teaching English in Qufu, China and had fun stories to tell, not to mention this bedresting Mama put her to work. No, actually, she put herself to work and made lots of yummy food for us and helped me with a few projects (and also enjoyed Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune and Scrabble like the nerdy girls we are). it was great to be able to see her before she goes back for another year in Qufu. far, far away.

she also brought these cuties!! real chinese slippers for the Pea. (thanks Alison!!)













that's all for today folks - 42 more days left. that means 6 weeks until up-and-up time. here's some love to my boys - both of which keep me good company. :-) (and happy graduation to my sister Jenn! she's officially a nurse! so proud.)

twenty plus nine

picture update!

here is Baby Girl's newest photos. (like i said in the last post, she's getting much harder to see because of her growth (!) so the ultrasounds pictures aren't as clear.)



















the first is a picture of her face and the second is a profile picture - the bubble near her mouth/nose is actually an arm. :-)

here we are, acting silly, for the 29 week photo!



















49 days of bedrest left. pray with us that she continues to stay in there and thrive!

In other news...

Other random happenings include:

1) Getting a car seat! (Target)

2) Getting a crib!! (IKEA)

3) Purchasing our first set of cloth diapers (colors: pink, blue, light yellow and orange.) they are so cute! (bum genius)















4) Having my parents come and getting organized! They were amazing - but I was surprised just how many projects I've been unable to accomplish. I mean, obviously, I can't do anything, but it was just nice to have a sparkling house and get started on the nursery furniture and organization. Thanks M&D! You're super. :-)

5) Nursery pics will come as it comes along. Not much to post as of yet.

6) Baby update: she weighs 3 lbs today - which was totally a surprise, but so great. :-) That's about 10 days ahead of schedule, but all babes grow differently here and there in the last trimester. She was a little harder to see during the ultrasound and the sonographer said that was because she's getting chubbier (more muscle too, etc.). When the Dr. measured me, she said, "Where are you hiding this baby?" I laughed. I'm still pretty small for 7 mos prego.

7) And I get to drink yet ANOTHER orange goodness next week! But thankfully it's only the one hour test - which means that I can eat breakfast before. If I pass it, they'll not worry about the gestational diabetes, but if it's still elevated (even slightly) they'll just treat me as a gestational diabetic and require blood sugar monitoring and modified diet. Not the end of the world for the next few weeks, but it'd sure be nice if it came back within the normal range.

And on to the weekend!!! I'm going to get crafty and show you some of my bedrest ingenuity. :-)

Happy weekend all.

Love, Lisa

P.S. Will post more pics tomorrow!!

drama.

seriously. do i need any more drama in my life? the answer (in case you don't know me super well) is NO! i like to tease and joke and laugh, but that is pretty much the extent of my wanting attention. drama attention is NOT my cup of tea.

so i was scared of failing my glucose test today - not the actual results, but throwing up before i could get through the 3-hour test. the little orange bottle of drama. eeeh!

whelp, not only did i fail, I (stupidly) decided to go alone since it was going to take all morning anyway. i packed my purse full of things to do, took my nausea medicine and set off with water bottle in hand (thanks Shannon!).

i amazingly got through that nasty bottle and felt fine FOR 45 MINUTES. and then, in about 30 seconds i almost fainted and the orange goodness (badness) came up so fast, I didn't even have time to react. so now i had a wet skirt (yes, please, visualize how embarrassing this looks!!) and the test was over.

so i ate some crackers and 15 minutes later the whole almost fainting/getting sick thing happened AGAIN!! so they wouldn't let me drive home and i had to call a lady from work to pick me up and ...

I failed. miserably.

hoping there are other options out there for testing for gestational diabetes bc I don't think i can do that again. BLECH.

as for good news: only 51 days until I'm up!!

the end. :-)

28 and 2/3 of the way!

:-) can you believe it? We're in the third trimester!!



















I had my glucose screening this week and just barely failed. :-( Which means ... I have to do a 3 hour screen (on an empty stomach, mind you) and drink more of that nasty stuff. Last screen I could eat breakfast and then drink the glucola. My mantra was, "I'm not going to throw up, I'm not going to throw up," as I took each gulp. And I didn't. But I'm not sure I can not get sick on an empty stomach. BUMMER! But, gotta do it. We'll see how it goes. :-)

2-week labor screening test came back negative! (that means 95% - or more) chance that I won't go into labor in the next two weeks. This is good!!

56 days until I can get up and up.















Jeremy is in Ohio, living in the country, letting Jackson run in the big backyard, seeing family and friends and listening to the frogs/crickets chirp. I'm SO jealous. :-) Wanting to hit all of the garage sales that were this weekend, finding treasures and little girl things. Drinking frosty glassed A&W rootbeer in the old Ford - so old it has no seatbelts. Eating straight from the garden - blackberries and raspberries right off the bush. Mmmm. Not to mention, the big birthday tomorrow.

Happy birthday, love!!! I'm so glad you got to go and can't wait to see you home again. :-)

And Baby, happy number 3.















("sweetie pea" banner my mom helped me finish this weekend)

oh, the little things...

:-) my sister made these for Sweetie Pea! her first booties and hat.















aren't they sweet??

27 PLUS!

here we are, on Saturday. she was kicking Momma like CRAZY - so fun, as long as it's side-kickin'!! i was feeling knees or elbows or feet in my side (still can't figure out what limb it is for sure) but we know it's her. super fun.



















this week starts my third week of bedrest ... from what I've heard, if we make it to 36 weeks they'll let me up. October 2nd, baby! let's go!

so, some friends came over last week and i got them to help me make a flip calendar to count down the days. as my friend Dawn said, "one day at a time." yes, ma'am. exactly. yesterday it was 9 weeks - 63 days. counting down!! enjoying every day that passes. and next week is third trimester. can you believe it? WOW. amazing.













so looking forward fall. i missed spring (although I'm not sad that I have to be inside when it's 97 degrees outside and huumid!) but we're hoping and praying that by the fall I'll be up and she'll be here and we'll be healthy.

i had some PT this week to work on exercises that i can do in bed that won't put strain on my abdomen ... and the specialist put me on Ibuprofen to *hopefully* relax my body to ward off any pre-term labor symptoms.

things I've decided to do while in bed:

- learn some German from Rosetta Stone
- catch up on my email
- listen to all of the Harry Potter books (before the new movie comes out in November)
- write thank yous
- continue to blog
- think about my calling
- try to follow a Bible reading calendar
- do my exercises
- beat Jeremy at the Wii (yeah right. haha)
- try not to eat too many cookies or Kit Kats or ice cream bars. more peaches and apples and plums and yogurts. mmm.
- pray.
- be crafty

have anymore good suggestions for me??

-the end-

pretties.

jeremy took some pictures for me. these pretties are growing! unfortunately, they are outside and i am not. :-) but so glad to be able to enjoy something!

she's 26, i'm 26!

she should weigh around 2 lbs this week! awesome. :-) getting SO big. (and still so little.) my tummy can feel it - stretching tummy is the strangest feeling. not super comfortable, but she's growing, so that's good!

here we are! under 100 days to go - 98 to be exact.



















she is 24-1/2 weeks and 1lb 9 oz in this picture. check out her ribs! this was the first time i could see them. her mouth is open and her nose is still so sweet. :-)

















and I can't forget my sweet furry boy. he got a haircut last week. (too bad my other furry boy won't cut his...)

bedrest week 1

so it's Friday. glorious day. they say it's as hot as you-know-what outside and i believe it. i'm content to not sweat and instead look at the leafy goodness outside my window waving in the breeze. it's also so good because it's the hubby's day off. and so is tomorrow. and so is Sunday.

(shout out to my good, good man: he's been amazing this week. i love him so much.)

and almost end of bedrest - week 1. lots of things to be thankful for. not to mention - she's a week older! so many good people all ready wanting, offering, willing to help. to bring food on his long days, to check in to let the Jackson boy outside for a potty break, to put dishes in the dishwasher and clothes in the closet and sweep hairs and dust off the floor. and there are those who can offer encouragement - like Skyping for a couple hours to take my mind off things.

and she's still inside me. and she is still kicking me. and i'm so glad it's not winter - because just as it is getting dark outside, it's my bedtime (yes, i like to sleep!). it's not 4:30pm and dark, it's 9:00pm and dark. thank you God, that it's not winter. the trees are full and pretty outside my window too.

and you know what else? i feel okay. this has been the best part to think about. i cannot reiterate or explain HOW HARD it is to feel deathly sick and be confined to bed because of it and not. be. able. to. do. anything.

except get sick. and cry. and get sick again.

i really can do a lot with my time. the comparison is like night and day. and i can focus on doing this for her. not surviving that for me.

***

will i feel like this is 5 weeks? doubtfully. will i ache to miss his 30th birthday in ohio when i've been looking forward to going for months? most definitely. will i keep going? yes, yes, and yes.

Jesus, have mercy.

bedrest.

prognosis: bedrest. fulltime. no work.



not exactly what we wanted to hear.



especially because my honey's 30th is in 3 weeks and we had big plans for celebrating it. however, i am pretty well confined to my top floor because that is where our bathroom is. so bed 24/7. until my perinatalogist appt on Monday, that is. she may be able to suggest some medicine or a procedure, etc. to keep little Sweetie Pea in there. she needs at least 2-1/2 more months to be good and developed. please pray. not only for her and me, but for Jeremy too. it's stressful to try to do everything...

sigh, she's still in there (and kicking my cervix too!!!) and we're hoping she'll stay there for 10 more weeks.

Jesus, have mercy.

25! 25! 25!

Hello again! I did not fulfill my promise of news on Wednesday because we got a different kind of news: partial bedrest. So little Baby's pictures are still waiting to be scanned. *sorry!*

Instead, though, I do have good news. She is doing GREAT and weighs about 1-1/2 pounds! And the bigger she gets, the more of my weight I can credit her with. :-)

Unfortunately, there's potential pre-term labor pending (no contractions ... just gettin' a little bit shorter than they'd like) so it was partial bed rest this week. Tomorrow we go to see how things are and if it's worse ... I'll have to do fulltime bed rest. Not exactly my idea of a fun time. And not exactly Jeremy's ideal of spending all of his time - taking care of me and cooking and the house. Plus, not being able to work again would just be a big bummer. I want to work and we need that income, etc. But, God knows what we need.

And, we're praying that everything is in good order tomorrow and I can get back to my newest normal routine.

Here's us at 25 weeks!!



















Happy Sunday.