number one

If you check out the picture two posts ago ... you may notice a white dress. :-)

May 24 we celebrated number ONE! And, honestly, it was surprising for both of us how special it was. Ha, we couldn't stop smiling at each other. And I pranced around in my wedding dress for a little bit.

It was our "paper" anniversary. So he put a gift (such a lovely gift!) in a pretty paper bag and I wrote love notes on a roll of toilet paper. To read when ... well, you know.

I'm not sure that I can put a finger on what made it so special, but it was like this intimate knowing that we'd made it through one (really tough) year and we really did love each other. I've heard this a ton ... but I do think that I love him more than I did last year.

A-mazing.

Not to say that we've not had our ups and downs ... but, it was just good. Thank you for your goodness God.

And thank you JEREMY LEE for loving me!!

:-)

about being you.

I unashamedly heart Henri Nouwen. Here's what he has to say about being you.

"Speak from that place in your heart where you are most yourself. Speak directly, simply, lovingly, gently and without any apologies. Tell us what you see and what us to see; tell us what you hear and want us to hear. Trust your own heart. The words will come. There is nothing to fear. Those who need you most will help you most. You can be sure I will."

"...hear these words spoken to you with all the tenderness and force that love can hold."

Something has changed. Am I more insecure? I want to write so badly, but (obviously) it doesn't happen. No inspiration in the last year of my life. However, I think, "Shouldn't it have been more inspiring than all the rest?" It wasn't.

It was angering, hurtful, confusing and depressing.

Well, not every part, but most.

And here I am, on the brink of something large, waiting, hoping and filled with anticipation of what the Father just might have in store for me.

"I've got more than you can even imagine." Really, seriously...? What could I imagine? Traveling? Ministering (for real)? Being a presence in peoples' lives? Doing something meaningful? Being a mom? Owning a creative business on the side? Inspiring people by... speaking??

There's a lot I can imagine, God. Surprise me. I'm yours.

it's been almost a year

i almost can't believe that i've neglected my blog for almost a year. (and geez, enough has happened)

and by "neglect" i really just mean, i-haven't-had-the-motivation-or-the-need-to-blog. plus, my husband read in his high-tech-y magazine that blogging was SO 2004. how intimidating is that? but actually, i think now, who cares? i'm feeling the need and really mommyBLOGS keep the world going 'round. i love them. i can't help it. must be the little mommy me inside. ha. (no worries, no babies yet...)

but another reason is, it's okay to blog now. i don't have to worry about being honest and having *someone* run into it that shouldn't be reading it. not that i would be writing anything horrible, it's just ... well... it's been the last year of my life. stifled. discouraged. wanting to beat a wall down but knowing it wouldn't help anything. 

and now, i sit, job-hunting, avoiding huge dog slobbers, and scouting out craigslist for good deals i still can't afford. i have friends, but they all have lives now. responsibility. KIDS. for heaven's sake! :-) it's a good time of life, but also confusing and hard. 

here's how it went.

quit job, moved to Idaho

had no friends, had no job

got married in May (*highlight*!)

got discouraged in June

stayed that way

made one friend

got a job in November

he got let go in December

moved to Kansas City

no job, some friends.

 May His light be our guiding path because at least I know, I haven't a clue.