Wie heissen sie? and getting out.

it was sunny today and i've decided that getting outside in Buesingen when the sun is showing its face is the only right thing to do. every time. so, i put on my swimming suit and headed toward the river. swimming in the rhine was glorious and i was very satisfied with my getting out. i was walking back to my apartment before i went to visit some friends for a good-bye bbq when i had a smile experience.

going up the back road were two blond kids, obviously brother and sister, riding on an amazing plastic tractor-ish toy. Sister was pedaling like crazy and Brother was sitting backwards in an attached plastic trailer 'helping' her by pushing along with his feet.

i caught up to them and had a wonderful conversation in most of a language that i didn't understand but they kept right on talking and didn't seem to notice.

I said (in German), "Hi! You are fast!"

Sister said (contextual interpretation), "Yeah, and I can go faster!" She proceeded to pedal even faster -- which was pretty good.

Then she slowed back down and said, "What's your name?"

"Lisa. And you?"

"Fabiana." And Brother turned around in his plastic trailer and said, "Timon".

Fabiana and Timon just kept talking and talking telling me about their friends or toys or games or something and i just kept nodding and smiling and waiting for a voice intonation and a pause telling me that i just missed a very important question.

It never came.

A few yards later they said, "We're going here," and turned off.

I smiled, said "Bye!" and went on my way.

************

I loved it. A whole German conversation with two little people who had NO clue that I wasn't a native Buesingen resident and we were all quite happy about that. And did I really need to know exactly about what they were babbling about in their friendly tone? No, not really. I just smiled and listened and i think that was what mattered. getting out and making meaningful contact with people is good for the soul. especially one in transition.

sad and getting sadder.

my blogger browser automatically comes up in German because we're connected to Swiss net. in 9 days it won't be that way at all. the countdown is well underway; my last day of work was yesterday. i'm going to Austria today, having a special thank-you lunch with Jill and seeing my favorite family tonight. i have exactly 9 days to do everything i want and see everyone i want to and say good-bye before i go. and my heart is nearly in pieces.

here's a random message quote i found on facebook from one mk to another (i hope these aren't copy-righted because at the moment i can sympathize.)

"It feels likes somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket
of boiling tears. And at the same time, somebody else is hitting my
soul in the crotch with a frozen sledge hammer. And then a third
guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone . . ."

Lord, have mercy.

schwimmin'

only 13 more days of possible swimming for me. and tonite the ugly rumor was circulating that it was going to get cooler and rainy -- so i had promised myself i would take advantage of the warm day turned night and go for it.

except, i didn't have anyone to swim with.

usually, this wouldn't be a problem. i know how to swim. but, swimming in the rhein river with its current -- you just have to be careful. but, no one was around to go with me so i forged ahead and went by myself.

now, you have to understand. the water is still about 20 degrees celsius. in american terms: pretty darn chilly. the weather hasn't been hot enough for the water to get too warm. but, nikolaj claimed it was "fresh" and would get rid of my tiredness (i'm not sure it did, but i went anyway). a chilly, 7:30pm swim, especially one alone, has to be geared up for. so i geared up.

and really, nothing compares to swimming in the river!! the current is amazing. and there were plenty of smart Swiss people taking in the last bit of the nice weather and river too before the rain comes. so i was safe. :-) and, it was lovely as usual.

sweety and beauty

i ran into two really funny Indian girls' names yesterday during filing time: Sweety and Beauty. hahaha. made me laugh. totally normal last names but, oh the things people name their children...

filing.

sometimes i think that i will go to my grave filing or doing some kind of admin. work. okay, not to be morbid, but paper and organization is my specialty after 4 years of college working for the religion department. and, it seems, without any other 'specialty' i find myself stuck with it again and again.

okay, this week i brought it on myself. and actually, the mindless work that i'm doing and passing the afternoons in Sib's office is enjoyable. well, not the dry and dirty fingers that i get after thumbing through a million sheets of paper or the indent in my middle finger i get from labeling files for hours on end, but i love it that it's mindless (so i can let my mind wander) and that i actually feel like i'm doing something.

it's really hard for me to not really have anything to do. it's been hard to allow myself to (how did Anne Lamott say it?) "practice radical inefficiency" this year. in other words: rest.

but, we were created to do things, to work, so part of this is finding a balance between rest and doing. so this week i got sick, sick, sick of not having anything to do. Sib has been drowning in child sponsorship stuff -- kids' profiles needing checked and finding their homes in the file cabinets and their letters getting off to their sponsors. so, you see someone drowning, several people have helped and she's still up to her chin in CS files ... and you really don't have anything to do (and with only 8 people on campus, you're getting supremely and easily bored) except wait for emails, you offer a hand and the water level falls a bit.

my ambitious goal is to be finished labeling and filing the Indian and Bangladeshi kids by tomorrow. the stack's pretty high and i have a meeting at 3. we'll see. :-)

but, i'm learning as i go. i love it. some of the Nepalese kids' families make the equivalent of 75-100 USD. per year. i'm gaining a bigger awareness of the sheer need of the world. just as i sit and file. Sib puts up with my random questions (like, 'how much is a Nepalise rupee worth?'), we sing along to the old school songs on the radio and talk about how worth it it is -- to do the admin and dirty (and b-o-r-i-n-g) work -- for the faces we see. so, if that means looking at adorable pictures of teeny Indian boys and Arabic girls and cracking up at the all of the "Shenkos" and "Al Hammans" and "Dhases" (you can totally tell from what area they're from by their names ... Russian, Arabic and Indian respectively), well, i'm okay with it. plus, i've actually made it until 5pm without wanting to fall asleep or go out of my mind with boredom.

filing. i really pray that it's not my fate. but, that's not really in my hands.

a quote from Amber Drake

Amber, an exchange student who just left posted this note and i was writing today about this exact thing. i needed to plagiarize for spiritual purposes. :-) [amber, ha, if you ever read this, know that i'm quoting you.]

"In this, Henri Nouwen say, 'we learn to look fully into our losses, not evade them. By greeting life's pains with something other than denial we may find something unexpected. By inviting God into our difficulties we ground life-- even its sad moments-- in joy and hope.' This is entire sanctification. Not that we are whole or even that we understand wholeness, but that we move into relationship with God with our whole selves, everything that we are, and ground our life in Him."

squirrel-watching and other life things

i saw a squirrel this morning.

you wouldn't think it was so significant, unless i told you why. i think squirrel watching/chasing is one of my favorite pastimes. i remember staring out my bedroom window from the house on alpine drive watching them fly up the trees. they're great! even the stubby tail one -- he was around the neighborhood for a few years.

i've never seen one here in buesingen, or in europe, which was surprising to me. taking note of this last fall, i remember mentioning their seeming lack of existence here and missed them. weird, i know, but true. this morning, i have to say, everything in the world seemed okay when i was absorbed in squirrel-watching. i forgot that it was 7am, that i was tired, alone and that the EuNC clan is ever dwindling. (i can, no kidding, count the campus dwellers on 10 fingers. that's it ... soon to be 8.) i'm used to at least 40.

it's kinda been lonely. kinda makes me want to just pack up and go.

and then in church yesterday, i was thinking about this place, how it's the norm to me now and how i'll miss it and i shouldn't be so quick to wish it away. i don't really even know where i'm going in the next months, but i think this waiting time is kind of a blessing instead. it's hard to leave and waiting to leave is even harder, but slowly i'm getting more and more ready. this is good.

so, my life-in-transition looks like the following: lots of reading, writing letters and emails, waiting for the phone to ring or an addition to my inbox, talking to God about others and trusting Him with whatever will happen in my life, wishing the rain would go away, dreaming about suntans and swims in the Rhine, and fellowshipping with the very few people that are left.

like, tonight, it's 4 of us. dinner, simply for the joy of cooking and then enjoying food and each other. this is my prayer and goal: to spend each day to its fullest. not always accomplish-able, but well worth the effort.

especially when August 20th comes around.

musings

i'm updating my blog. really, i should update more often. :-) but... then i realize how little clarity i actually have these days in matters of life and health and understanding God and His church and love and life and friends and change. but, despite it all i feel almost compelled to write even though i don't really have much to say. always a whole bunch of thoughts, but not always a whole lot i can clearly articulate.

i've been thinking that i should be an expert on some things by now. like making friends and then saying good-bye. i keep thinking that moving on and embracing life changes should come more easily the more i do it. but, i still cry. i still want to kick and scream. "NO! i don't want to leave! i don't want to change! i don't want to go through anothing stinking transition!" the only progress i've made is to recognize that i know to expect the tears. to expect the gut-wrenching good-byes. i expect the weird transitory feelings that i just can't place. i expect wanting to take in everything i can experience about the last days, but it never being enough.

why? because the people don't come with me. sure, they come in my heart and i can email them or talk on the phone, but it's not the same community. and it won't ever be. for me, when i've enjoyed a time in my life, a part of me wants to hold onto it forever -- the smells, the trees, (the chocolate), the style, the colors, the sounds or the special spots along the river or in town. and part of me knows that i really don't want to hold on, that there are even better things to come.

Still, each change is hard to get used to. God knows I'm slow. But what happens when i think about the new people i have yet to meet? the next step He has for me? the promises of "infinitely more than you can ask or even imagine"? i have found too much value in the past with how life-change has and can absolutely transform my life. and not even the gut-wrenching moments can keep me from moving forward. and from that vantage point, i have hope.

what will this be? this change? "it's inevitable, you know," i tell myself. "you can't be a volunteer forever." and it's time, i know it is.

but europe is a part of me now. the people here are dear to me. the face of God, although He often seemed hidden, has been here in front of me. He has walked beside me. and now i add these friends to my corresponding-long-distance-with list: these friends who will slowly slip out of my everyday life. i will miss my German family, Jillian in the office next to mine, tasting dark-chocolate-with-chili flavored ice cream, combating British spelling, singing my heart out to Chris Tomlin on the RCC second floor and listening to Nikolaj speak Russian on the phone and throwing in random English words with no translation. i'll miss driving over the rise of the highway and neuhausen/schaffhausen spread out with beautiful swiss-architecture along the rhine valley and cafe vordegasse. i'll miss spending 2 hours in fellowship over a coffee or tea and no one even blinking an eye at it.

i'll miss it. good. but, i won't miss not understanding the language. i won't miss my boyfriend or my family. i won't miss not making money. there are good things coming. better than i can imagine. God is good. this i believe and this i trust.i

plant update: day 40+

update on Parsley and Basil. they're getting bigger and i'm waiting to start cooking! but i also found out that Jill, my neighbor two apts down, has offered her rosemary, chives, oregano (and something else I've never heard of) for fresh herbs to cook with whenever i need! so, i'm set.

sleep

i love to sleep. especially lately. especially after india. for some reason, sleep has been my goal after the red-eye flight from mumbai. so my bed is my place to be.



the night we got into Mumbai and stepped off the bus for a roadside stop at the district office (for a tiny bit of food, a liter of water and a poddy break before we rode for 4 more hours), i went inside the house. the bus stopped outside of the house in the street about 3 or 4 yards behind another vehicle. the yellow street light buzzed and endless indian street chatter hummed. several busloads of people passed us at 1 in the morning, and i know that a busload of sweaty white girls wasn't unnoticed.

i walked back several times between the bus and the yellow gate to the house, but once, while i was stopping to wait for Simone, i stumbled upon something. i didn't disturb him, but realized when my eyes adjusted to the light (or lack of) i realized there was a man curled up on his side, fast asleep on his cot. in the middle of the street.

um, whoa. we were trodding in his bedroom.

this was probably one of the most surprising things to me -- something third-world that i hadn't seen before. and this man was not alone. as we drove through the rest of mumbai i realized that we were passing probably hundreds of people sleeping on the streets. a thin sheet separated some from the dirty ground and even without, groups of people slept side-by-side. this was their resting place.

i wondered outloud this morning how people could sleep with all of the noise. sib replied that they get used to it. tune it out. i don't know how they do it, but need rules out a lot of logistics.

and i slept in a bed all week. with clean sheets and a pillow. in a room with screens and an amazing ceiling fan. it's humbling, yet, i can't be who i am not. i can only look upon the world with openness, awareness and an ever-widening view of humanity, need, who i am, what i have and how i have what i have. i hardly know how -- but these moments are where i express my need to act and my inability without community and the inspiration of God.

- sarees -

the door buzzer rudely interrupted our peaceful sleep. it was monday morning in India. our last day; it started early and ended late.

a quarter to seven in the morning, sib is ringing our doorbell, handing us our sarees (custom fitted) and letting us know that sarah will be over to help us with our sarees. one long piece of cloth takes a truly experienced woman to make it look beautiful and sarah was our helper!

we scrambled out of our beds and got ready. when sarah arrived, her long indian hair coiffed into a bun with a do-rag, she wrapped me up first. simone and i had our tops on backwards (big surprise ... aren't the clasps supposed to go in the back? at least that's what i've known since i was able to dress myself. i had to re-learn a very basic indian thing! haha!) so we switched those, tighted our petticoats to hold up the folds of fabric, and sarah started expertly wrapping and folding.

for the first time, getting dressed was actually a community experience. there was no way you could get into a saree alone and still be sane. simone commented that it was like getting dressed in the old days -- when dressing took lacing up and layering and more people that one.

but sarah was satisfied with her work when we fninshed, we felt beautiful and it was truly a unique South Asian experience. (not to mention the stares we got walking in...)

growth.

a little update on my little plants thanks to Elizabeth who watered them while I was gone in India.

Basilikum on the left, Petersilie on the right.

.green.

yes, okay, fine. I am a bit green. actually, if that tone sounds like i'm ashamed, it's not true. i am a bit of a tree-hugger (no, not to the hippie-extent) and for several reasons that i will fail to list because it's not a part of my point.

needless to say, i've a picture here of my newest endeavor: having a green thumb. and, not to mention, growing fresh herbs to cook scrumptiously with. i was telling my boyfriend last night that i miss my mom's garden in Iowa! i never thought, as a little girl pulling weeds and scratching fresh mosquito bites, that i would miss it, but that is probably something i pine after the most. green beans, rhubarb, squash and all the fresh raspberries i could want!

thus, i'm reviving a little bit of my past, i planted some parsley and basil, and now i'm waiting for them to grow (and to see if my thumb is as green as my mom's.) as you can see by the pic, my parsley just sprouted past the surface!! i'm way too excited about it and will probably post it's progress, just because i can. if you could care less about my parsley plant, well, i'm sorry for you. :-) i'll still be your friend.

another reminder that I am, indeed, in a world of "WC"s and teeny, tiny cars and recycle-age and pretty, old houses.

yes, Europe is.... well, it is. i love it here.

india already

last week, we had a scare.

Frankfurt, Germany was the destination and getting our Indian visas (needed in three weeks and our purchased plane tickets depending on it) was the goal. Sabine, our faithful, recently-moved-to-Buesingen, German friend knows Frankfurt like the back of her hand, so we begun our trek in her car at six in the morning needing to land at the consulate before they closed for the day at 11:30a.m.

The sunrise was pink and purple and spectacular. I realized that I miss out on beauty because I sleep, but usually the sleep is worth it. (besides, i figure that if i saw the sunrise every day, i don't think i would be able to appreciate it as much. so i'll save it for special occasions and sleep more.) We stopped at McDonalds for breakfast -- it would be a two-in-one-day-McDonalds-run and this I am not used to. It was the first time I've stepped into McDonalds in probably 3 months (and then that was only for WC needs).

Unfortunately, due to several accidents, morning traffic through Stuttgart and then another , for another 45 minutes to Frankfurt, we pulled (with Sib's crazy driving -- at one point going over 100 mph. yeah, don't tell my mom) up to our parking space at 11:10.
We had twenty minutes to get in and through the line.

We'd been smart and gathered up all of our pocket change to make 50 Euro -- i lent 50 to simone -- each to pay for our tourist visas, filled out our forms and headed in. Sib got through the line first, paid her 50 Euro and then it was my turn.

"Sefent-y fife e-uros pleese," I heard the man at the window through the eye-level hole in the glass.

"Crap," my heart started beating and I told Sib that Simone would need more money and she literally ran out the door. I quickly took 25 more Euro from Simone's hand and paid for my visa. Simone and I hung back in line, sighing, raising our eyebrows, hating the fact that "American" must mean "rich tourists" and hoping and praying that Sib would somehow fly to the cash machine and back in 5 minutes. She didn't, but one by one, people kept trailing in. And we kept letting them go ahead of us to the window.

The last guy left his fate in the hands of the Indian consulate just as I spotted Sib running back along the street. I shoo-ed Simone up to the window and the guy seriously considered waving her away! But he relented (he must have anticipated American girl wrath) and she deliberately and slowly pushed her passport and papers under the window.

I ran to get the door and tell her that there was still time (unbeknownst to me, it was already almost 11:40) and a red-faced and barefoot Sib got the cash to Simone just as she needed it. (Mind you, if she hadn't it would've been another 8 hours in the car or train and another whole day to spend in Frankfurt. no thanks.)

We walked back to the car, a little giddy and a lot lighter. We were all a little adrenaline rushed, all a little thirsty, so we laughed and broke out the Flouder and appleshoeler drinks.

Sabine returned at 4:30 to collect our visas and they were granted, no problems. In two weeks we'll be on our way to India. But I have this strange and certain feeling that this will only be the beginning of our close calls and Indian adventures. We leave 16 may and more stories will be posted following our return...

prayer

I wrote this earlier today:

"In prayer, God not only fully understands every word in every language, but also the details behind each word, even if we don't feel it is sufficient. He even takes into accound the hearts' cries behind the words and hears what we are not even able to express -- and when we intercede for another our inadequate prayers are heard and understood and adequate answers are given...

"What I'm really trying to say is that Rahel's prayer for me, in Swiss-German, was fully understood by God even though I didn't get a thing, save a few words here and there -- and although she doesn't know the details or even the magnitude of what she was asking for me, God heard what she said, understood, sees the situations for what they are and knows her heart in desiring to intercede. We don't have to 'get' it all -- giving all is all we need."

Prayer is a demonstration of hope. Hope is usually a good thing. Except sometimes when I have a crazy desire to pray and keep praying, and then it feels like a weight on my soul and my shoulders (and, believe me, I already have enough knots as it is!) -- especially when I find myself unable to pray as I feel He deserves or desires. But I keep going, attempting to remain aware, and letting God find me, grab my attention and sit me down for a chat if that's what He wants. I can't describe in words my need to pray, but I know it's there. I don't really have a clue what prayer is or what it does, but I'm driven toward it. I haven't really seen miracles in prayer, but I naively believe in its power anyway. (*shrugs*)

truth.

You alone, Lord God.

You are charity and love.

You are wisdom.

You are humility.

You are patience.

You are security.

You are peace.

You are beauty.

You are meekness.

You are our protector.

You are our strength.

You are our refreshment.

You are our hope.

You are our faith.

You are our most profound sweetness.

You are our eternal life,

omnipotent God, merciful Savior.

family fun.

Yesterday I dropped my parents off at the Zurich airport after 10 days of the sites, sounds and enjoyment of Europe and time together.

Their first jet-lagged day, I dragged them around (in order to keep them awake) campus and town, showing them everything I could think of. One of these spots was the Rhinefall, our natural claim to fame in this part of Switzerland. It's Europe's most powerful waterfall and the rush is amazing!

Mom and Dad slept well the first night and then we enjoyed a traditional Swiss breakfast of muesli (like dry oatmeal with dried fruits), bananas and yogurt. Not to mention coffee, tea, toast and jam. We feasted on amazing German bread, kebap (a very popular Turkish fast food in Germany) and an Easter ham brought 6,000 miles.

I was the Paris tour guide and they were the French speakers. (Well, as much French as Haitian Kreyol has...) I got to speak my Kreyol with people who understood, got at least 4 hugs a day (they are a rarity some days in Buesingen) and capitalized on some American essentials like JIF peanut butter and Advil Liquigels. I was the benefactee of a vacation to France, Switzerland, Austria and Germany... they almost doubled their country count and I was along for the ride.

We talked, we laughed, we took pictures and even got a little impatient, but overall, it was really, really wonderful to introduce two important members of my family to the community that has blessed my life for over a year (both times together). And I got to show them Europe. Comments of returning were floating around towards the end of the trip... I wouldn't mind. This place is in my heart.

Unfortunately, vacation came to an end today and, much to my dismay, I find myself back at work. Vacation is great but isn't reality and wouldn't be appreciated if there were no end to it. Thanks M&D for taking the time, effort, money and energy to come and love on me. Love ya.

(Here is my link to Facebook photos... a little bit of what we saw and did! Just click here. http://mnu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2006980&l=a2ea6&id=162800677 )

epic published

hey all! my final Slovenia piece was published in the Southeastern Europe newsletter (the one I put together for that field).

here is the link if you are interested. (it's a PDF, story on page 4)

http://homepage.mac.com/seenaz/.Public/SEE%20Sketches/Sketches%20April%2007-H.pdf

Slovenia story links -- please read!

Here are two links to the stories/profiles from Slovenia I wrote up. This is just a taste of the people who are in Ljubljana and involved in the church. My other story has yet to be finished and published, but as soon as it is, I will link it!

Thank you for caring and reading. :-)

Darja's story: "On Fear" http://www.eurasianazarene.org/wmeurasia/Default.aspx?tabid=288

Aleks' story: Snapshots http://www.eurasianazarene.org/wmeurasia/Default.aspx?tabid=283