A Ruined American (part 1)

Haiti ruined me.

Ruined my worldview, my perspective, my thoughts, my colored glasses ... my life.

I need to publicly apologize to my husband and my child and any other family and friends. I'm ruined - it makes living (American) life a little more complicated.

I was reading Simpler Living, Compassionate Life the other day and the thought struck me. I make a horrible American. I hardly can throw plastic packaging or the lids of plastic containers in the trash without thinking about it. I mean thinking about it. Thinking about the implications of where it will go, why I have to throw it away (do I?) and how a billion of those little things will add up really quickly. I find myself feeling guilty that I don't live in more sustainable ways, and I can't help but think of the the many faceless, underpaid factory workers who made the clothes in my closet. And having 15 pairs of shoes isn't many by American standards but is beyond excessive for others.

I'm ruined.

I still hold an American passport. I don't believe that war is the best answer, but I absolutely respect the sacrifice that men and women in our Armed Forces have made. I can still sing the national anthem with pride - albeit tempered. But, I am a ruined American.

I'm not sure I would care beyond consuming if I hadn't left for Haiti ten years ago. Going there has played a huge part in the change of my worldview.

There's the crazy consumerism end.

And then the zero-waste people.

I'd like to fall somewhere in between the extremes. But, I really would like the continuum to lean to the latter.

Yeah. I know, my husband is snorting and raising his eyebrows right now. "You would like to what?!"

(to be continued... )