on death

my grandpa died 2-1/2 weeks ago. it was the day he came home from the hospital after having a scheduled open heart surgery (10 days before) to fix a fairly serious valve issue. that day my mom had called me to tell me she was out with her parents helping them settle in, that he looked puffy but she said, "I think he's gonna make it."

an hour later she called me to tell me that he'd collapsed and she had to do CPR on him. she didn't know if he was going to make it.


he didn't.


he was so strong and healthy. I mean, granted, he was almost 80, but he was energetic and still jogging and climbing ladders and on counters and gardening and always doing something. it was really sudden. i think that's why it was so hard to swallow.

and i didn't really want to go back home. to face the reality. not because i was particularly close to him but because i hate grief. and suffering. and pain. and death.

this is why i think that death wasn't supposed to be a part of the natural created order. sure, plants die, the ground winters over, and there's the food chain ... but i don't think that God created death. It's absolutely gut-wrenching to think about in any capacity and just seems so wrong. 

so wrong...

when a husband loses his wife.


when a son is killed in action.


when a baby is lost at 13 or 39 weeks gestation.


when a toddler is hit by a drive-by. 

You can't tell me this is "part of God's plan." Because I will never think it is. Because I don't think that life as it is is how He originally planned it. But, because of sin, we're stuck in this mess. And I don't think we're beyond redemption or that it's impossible to experience His goodness in the world, because that's not true either. But I don't think that death/grief/suffering is how he wanted His world to be.


but, we go on with our lives and deal with death in the best ways possible. feel what we need to feel, do what we need to do: cry, grieve, remember.

it was a nice funeral. (as "nice" as any funeral can be.) flowers were expedited from Hawaii as soon as their church found out.  See, G&G were Hawaiians 9 months out of the year, so they dressed him in a Hawaiian shirt and lei, played Hawaiian music at the visitation, and displayed the gorgeous Hawaiian flowers (see above pic).

we got to see the family. an aunt and uncle i haven't seen in 15 years. my brother and sister.

but, really, i would've waited 'til Christmas to see them to avoid a funeral.

alas, it wasn't to be.

so, pray for my mom and her family if you pray and you think of them. and, someday, I believe that redemption will come to the world and all this confusing and heart-wrenching death crap will come to an end.

Maranatha.